ENTRY 03: Walls; are you entrapped in?

Dear Virtual Diary,

Hii, hope you’re doing well! Third Saturday up here, and here’s a little piece from my heart. Here I wrote about something I have to put my eyes on every day during lockdown and this is eventually becoming very overwhelming. The walls. To me they are not mere walls, they are barrier to my way out to the
space, my freedom. Read further to know more and let me know if you’re in the same space. Let’s make it easy for each of us through exchanging organized
little words here and there from that always-closed furtive corner of our hearts.

WALLS

Broken walls like my heart's

The monstrous high headed obstructive, bordering me everywhere

hovering over the top of my head.

Like a grotesque bee but total dead.

Trying to take away my remaining life and crush my energy down whatever left

and make me look similar to another morbid ceiling clown.

Stuck. I wake up stifling. Wake up to go back to bed.

I dream of nothing.

I am bounded with nothingness everywhere.

As I try to shut my eyes and sleep me down,

I could feel its presence, meditating on to plummet my dreams

by brutally plunging through my head and deep slit through my veins

so I dream of nothing.

---------------

I hear you call them walls, don’t you?

Cruel walls, trying to hunt me down.

With tight stifling hugs,

Hugs of restlessness.

Hugs of downfall.

Hugs of gruesome death.

Heard of those English jackets, bright and shiny to look,

But more of a queasy and nauseating when you wear and put your eyes at every detailing nook?

like an old epiphany of pain and prickle jacketing you to suffocate?

You can’t get out to the brighter windy warmy world,

nor can you let someone in from another world

You are doomed.

Doomed down to death.

---------------

But I am not sure, speculating over again and again, I think.

Away enough to come to terms with reality, I still put my life into fixing my scattered thoughts this time again. Rising up to gather all the hopes left in my heart’s secret corner,

learning to assure my innocent bosom, “this too shall pass”.

Like a high clandestine fly-by-night operation does.

Deep down my heart is doubtful if it can actually make it through.

Wants to quit, before it breaks down on you

as if defeated by a curse and completely burned out

I hear you call them walls, don’t you?

Cruel walls, trying to hunt me down

With tight stifling hugs.

Hugs of restlessness.

Hugs of downfall.

Hugs of gruesome death.

Existing amidst long lost agonies of bewilderment

you’re trying not to lose the invisible battle

Fighting for days in endless contemplation

Disgusted, sometimes failed, still trying to keep up,I keep dragging my own feet during nights of deep dark melancholy, desperation.

Hugely regretting every bit of psychological movement and bodily locomotion around the stubborn walls

Angry outbursts. Shaky flinches. Forcing me to shrink folds to myself. Desperate and stuck.

---------------

I’m trying to make it work knowing I’m about to pooh out.

like the last tip of wax melts out of fire.

Sitting all day in the farthest point of my bed and strangled in my dreadful barbaric mindless plots

Like a lice entrapped in a rough unkempt hair.

The walls revolve around my days and nights and thieve them away from my delicate clutch

I hear you call them walls.

Cruel walls, trying to hunt me down

With tight stifling hugs.

Hugs of restlessness.

Hugs of downfall.

Hugs of gruesome death.

---------------

On the cusp of giving up, you gradually question the purpose

of your existence until one day you forget them and then it becomes a macabre reality. 

It'll take a certain time until the video is uploaded. Ill link it below. So let’s wait and then hear out each other's story. Also I’m very much open to suggestions so feel free to put up if any.

Come lets write to the world together!

Signing off <3